I Saw The Avengers: Endgame Without Seeing Any Of The Prequels And Actually Really Liked It

I haven’t seen an Avengers movie since the first one.  I walked out of Man Of Steel because of noise and rapid visuals.  I’ve been pretty staunchly anti- superhero movie lately, mostly because I wrote them off as dumb special effects vehicles with dialogue one of the 8th graders could have written.

But three different people offered me a free ticket to see Avengers:  Endgame, so I figured the Universe wanted me to see the damn movie.

Despite vowing never again to give a dollar of my own money to a superhero franchise (though I make exceptions for comic book movies), I kept up with those Avengers.  As soon as I read about Infinity War (which, to me, sounded exactly why I got out of the game in the first place- Infinity War?  And infinity of wars?  Endless wars? NO THANKS), I pegged the plot of EndgameThey’re going to pull some Harry Potter horcrux shenanigans, pull some time travel out of their butts and bring everyone back to life, I thought.  Which they basically did.

But I liked Endgame anyway.  I’m officially done hating on superhero movies.  Here’s why:

Technical finesse.  Marvel movies employ the best of the best.  They use the best sound mixing, sound editing, special effects, visual effects, animation, photography, choreography, et al.  They employ thousands of talented artists and technicians.  I specifically appreciated this movie’s use of quiet.  I thought this movie sounded very Zen, not noisy at all.  It’s really something special to get a theater full of armchair critics to shut up.

Color.  The film used a palette of blue and purple jewel tones- think the colors on Nebula’s face.  This made the most special- effects laden scenes look artful and not too overwhelming.

It’s named after a Taylor Swift song.  Wait, it’s not?

It all looked new to me.  I guess in this movie they retrace their steps and we see a bunch of stuff from previous Avengers movies, but since I skipped those, everything looked fresh, new and fun.  You absolutely don’t need to see the prequels.  These movies are made for fourth graders.  You’re smarter than a fourth grader, right?

Tony Stark:  A Lesson Before Dying.  I thought it was kind of stupid how none of the Avengers managed to move past grief in the five years since the Thanopocalypse.  People die.  Shit happens.  But, The Avengers had to face reality eventually anyway when Iron Man sacrificed himself to save everyone else.  Think of Endgame as Iron Man 4.   It’s been real, RDJ.

Fat Thor. Chris Hemsworth’s scene with Chris Pratt sums up his star power perfectly.  Everyone knows who the real movie star is, and it’s not the one with an action franchise involving velociraptors.  I thought Thor’s belly prosthetic was appropriately disgusting.  His performance came off a little too Dude- ish for me, but the guy knows how to get a laugh.  I’m actually excited for Men In Black 5.

Here are my only issues:

They took some real liberties with time travel.  It’s almost as if they expect no one to be smarter than a fourth grader.  This shit doesn’t check out, kids.

Like I said before, no one could get over their grief after five years.  From a sustainability perspective, Thanos probably had the right idea.  Does this movie teach kids it’s okay to just wish away your problems instead of facing them head- on?  Probably.

They filmed most of it in Georgia, which has lately been screwing over gay people and women with unwanted pregnancies. 

The scene where all the girls stand up to Thanos felt a little tokeny.



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