Culture Movies

Why I’m Not Seeing The Avengers: Infinity War (but this post has spoilers anyway)

Basically, because even this graphic is too damn much for me.

My high school used to have one heck of a homecoming.  Every year, the seniors assembled and picked a top- secret theme.  We worked like mad over one weekend in October, and on Monday, we revealed a wonderland that reflected the chosen theme.

My senior year, we picked superheroes.  As my friend and I sat stringing up vines for Villain’s Layer, we wondered:  when will superhero mania end?

That was almost ten years ago.  Today, I still wonder:  when will superhero mania end?

The answer:  when everybody gets sick of ’em.  Which may be never.  Avengers films have grossed over $14 billion worldwide.  People love superheroes.  They love special effects.  They love end- of- the- world theatrics.  They love lame, bro-y jokes.  They love their little Easter eggs.  They love superhero movies.  Studios make superhero movies because we want superhero movies.  Critics be damned, the people will have their superhero movies!

Superhero movies have their pros.  Many of today’s inventions (camera phones!  Electric cars!  Spaceships! Hover boards!) first appeared in science fiction.  Superhero gadgets allow creatives to imagine new inventions.

Superhero movies also promote teamwork.  Massive casts like the Avengers require heroes to team up against a villain.  Never mind that this sends the message that individual forces of evil have greater power than individual forces of good.  Teamwork rocks!

Superhero movies also inspire people.  When you watch a superhero movie, you never identify with the imperiled bystanders screaming their heads off in the streets (although that’s what you are).  You identify with Iron Man, because you too are sarcastic.  Or Scarlet Witch, because you too are a loner.  Or Spider- Man, because you too are a nerdy teen.  Or Groot, because you are a tree.  We want to believe a superhero lives in us all.

I’m not seeing Infinity War because I’m boycotting Disney until they start paying Disneyland employees a living wage.  But I also kind of don’t want to.  From what I understand, in Infinity War, Voldemort wants to collect all the Horcruxes and rule the world.  Everybody dies at the end but one of the Horcruxes is really a Time- Turner so everyone comes back to life in 2019.  Did I miss anything?

I’m saving my movie money for a film that’s not a reboot, a superhero movie or Star Wars.  The good news?  This summer, we have many!  Look for my picks for fun summer movies coming soon.

And if you want to see Infinity War, good for you.  Have a great time.







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