“Can I walk you out?”
-Nick, The Bachelor
AKA The One Where Nick Figures Out He’s Not Gonna Find Love On Reality TV.
Well this has to be the most depressing week ever spent in St. Thomas. First Nick has a one- on- one date with Kristina, a Russian orphan who ate lipstick to survive and narrowly avoided a life of prostitution at age 12. Russia sucks, ladies and gents.
Then, he takes the group date to a groady beach and basically tries to recreate Bachelor in Paradise/ forces them to play volleyball.
¨It totally backfired.¨- Nick
The cocktail party proves equally disastrous.
Nick: How are you feeling?
Everyone: That group date sucked.
Jasmine has a full on meltdown. She told us she wanted to strangle Nick, but then she actually did and tried to play it off as ¨a sexual thing¨.
Jasmine: No one´s ever done that? I´ll be the first.
Nick: NOPE BYE
Next, a two on one. Everybody hates these. Someone always gets deserted on a beach set.
Nick ditches the boring but beautiful Whitney and later shows out bootylicious backup dancer Danielle, called D.Lo by her girls.
Note to women: never say ¨I¨, ¨love¨ and ¨you¨ in any combination before your man does. Yes, ¨I´m falling in love with you¨ totally counts. Biggest turn off ever.
Nick finds himself racked with doubts that maybe he WON´T find the love of his life in a pool of gorgeous reality TV stars.
No fucking shit Nick, your parents could have told you that.
He shows up to the girls’ hotel room, pours his heart out, cries like a baby and not ONE of these bitches chases after him.
Stay tuned next week to watch Corinne whip out her platinum “vagine“.