in 2009, Spinner.com published this list of the 20 worst song lyrics of all time. Today, I still can’t take “Your Song” seriously. Looks like Spinner became some AOL Radio business, but someone special at Prince.org saved the list. Bless you. If you’re the original author of this article, please let me know so I can give you a plaque.
–Elton John’s ‘Your Song’
(lyrics by Bernie Taupin)
19. “Lucky that my breasts are small and humble /So you don’t confuse them with mountains”
–Shakira’s ‘Whenever, Wherever’
The woman makes a lot of sense. And lucky that Sacagawea wasn’t more buxom or Lewis and Clark might not have found the Pacific.
18. “I love you like a fat kid loves cake”
–50 Cent’s ’21 Questions’
Gangsta, schmangsta — brotha should write Hallmark cards.
(photo from rapperinpastries.tumblr.com)
17. “There’s an insect /In your ear /If you scratch /It won’t disappear”
–U2’s ‘Staring at the Sun’
It’s sure hard to tell that U2 scrambled to finish their ‘Pop’ album. At least Bono didn’t mention “driving rain.”
16. “Relentless lust
Of rotting flesh
To thrash the tomb she lies
Of Satan’s wrath
I spit at your demise”
Never mind 50 Cent, these guys should write Hallmark cards.
15. “Leaving was never my proud”
–R.E.M.’s ‘Leaving New York’
Sorry, Michael, but we scoured all of our reference books, and “proud” just doesn’t wash as a noun. Lions do live in prides, but we don’t see the relevance.
14. “I ain’t never seen an / ass like that / The way you move it /You make my pee-pee go /’Doing-doing-doing'”
–Eminem’s ‘Ass Like That’
Undoubtedly poetic stuff, but do pee-pees really go “doing-doing-doing”?
13. “There were plants and birds and rocks and things”
–America’s ‘Horse With No Name’
Like in New York, nouns are scarce in the desert, and apparently our poor soft rockers simply ran out of them. Too bad they didn’t consult Michael Stipe: “There were plants and birds and rocks and prouds.”
12. “Time is like a clock in my heart”
–Culture Club’s ‘Time (Clock of the Heart)’
Awesome analogy. Time is soooo like a clock, because, well, it’s freakin’ time!
11. “I wish it was Sunday/ That’s my fun day/ My I-don’t-have-to-run day”
–The Bangles’ ‘Manic Monday’
(lyrics by Prince)
We’re cool with the easy rhymes of Monday to Sunday, and even Sunday to fun day, but “I-don’t-have-to-run day”? No, now Prince is just messing with us.
10. “I’m all out of faith
This is how I feel”
–Natalie Imbruglia’s ‘Torn’
(lyrics by Anne Preven)
Can you say filler line? Like, oh, we get it, this is how you feel — because it’s been so darn long since you told us how you were all out of faith.
09. “Now you’re amazed/ By the VIP posse/ Steppin’ so hard/ Like a German Nazi”
–Vanilla Ice’s ‘Play That Funky Music’
Dude took the original song’s “white boy” lyrics a little too literally. Good thing he specified German though, because those Austrian Nazis were way too light on their feet.
08. “My panty line shows/ Got a run in my hose/ My hair went flat / Man, I hate that”
–Shania Twain’s ‘Honey, I’m Home’
Horribly trite stuff … but we do always enjoy the word “panty.”
And we’re betting that this clever emo fella doesn’t have the eyes to eye you, the hands to handle you … or even the mouth to mouth your name. Oh, the humanity!
The worst opening line in pop history. However, we hear it’s huge in Dubai.
–Paul McCartney and Wings’ ‘Live and Let Die’
04. “Young, black and famous/ With money hangin’ / Out the anus”
–Puff Daddy and Mase’s ‘Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down’
03. “I don’t like cities/ But I like New York/ Other places/ Make me feel like a dork”
–Madonna’s ‘I Love New York’
Boy George again, and this time he’s illin’ like Bob Dylan. We wrote a song just like this in seventh grade, but the next line was, “And your mom is stupid.”
Sade was born in Nigeria and grew up in London, but her biggest hit reveals that she’s clearly not a smooth navigator.