Music

Spinner’s 20 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time With Original Comments

in 2009, Spinner.com published this list of the 20 worst song lyrics of all time.  Today, I still can’t take “Your Song” seriously.  Looks like Spinner became some AOL Radio business, but someone special at Prince.org saved the list.  Bless you.  If you’re the original author of this article, please let me know so I can give you a plaque.

elton john tongue

20. “If I was a sculptor /But then again, no”
–Elton John’s ‘Your Song’
(lyrics by Bernie Taupin)
Well, then stop bringing it up already! This line has been wasting our time for three decades.

Shakira breats mountains whenever wherever

19. “Lucky that my breasts are small and humble /So you don’t confuse them with mountains”
–Shakira’s ‘Whenever, Wherever’

The woman makes a lot of sense. And lucky that Sacagawea wasn’t more buxom or Lewis and Clark might not have found the Pacific.

50 cent cake.jpg

18. “I love you like a fat kid loves cake”
–50 Cent’s ’21 Questions’

Gangsta, schmangsta — brotha should write Hallmark cards.

(photo from rapperinpastries.tumblr.com)

17. “There’s an insect /In your ear /If you scratch /It won’t disappear”

–U2’s ‘Staring at the Sun’

Bono green scream

It’s sure hard to tell that U2 scrambled to finish their ‘Pop’ album. At least Bono didn’t mention “driving rain.”
16. “Relentless lust
Of rotting flesh
To thrash the tomb she lies
Heathen whore
Of Satan’s wrath
I spit at your demise”

–Slayer’s ‘Necrophiliac’

Never mind 50 Cent, these guys should write Hallmark cards.

Michael Stipe Proud Blue

15. “Leaving was never my proud”
–R.E.M.’s ‘Leaving New York’

Sorry, Michael, but we scoured all of our reference books, and “proud” just doesn’t wash as a noun. Lions do live in prides, but we don’t see the relevance.

Eminem in a bathroom

14. “I ain’t never seen an / ass like that / The way you move it /You make my pee-pee go /’Doing-doing-doing'”
–Eminem’s ‘Ass Like That’

Undoubtedly poetic stuff, but do pee-pees really go “doing-doing-doing”?

America band fencing hearts

13. “There were plants and birds and rocks and things”
–America’s ‘Horse With No Name’

Like in New York, nouns are scarce in the desert, and apparently our poor soft rockers simply ran out of them. Too bad they didn’t consult Michael Stipe: “There were plants and birds and rocks and prouds.”

boy george perform purple

12. “Time is like a clock in my heart”
–Culture Club’s ‘Time (Clock of the Heart)’

Awesome analogy. Time is soooo like a clock, because, well, it’s freakin’ time!

the bangles 80s vintage

11. “I wish it was Sunday/ That’s my fun day/ My I-don’t-have-to-run day”
–The Bangles’ ‘Manic Monday’
(lyrics by Prince)

We’re cool with the easy rhymes of Monday to Sunday, and even Sunday to fun day, but “I-don’t-have-to-run day”? No, now Prince is just messing with us.

mainNATALIEIMB.jpg
10. “I’m all out of faith
This is how I feel”

–Natalie Imbruglia’s ‘Torn’
(lyrics by Anne Preven)

Can you say filler line? Like, oh, we get it, this is how you feel — because it’s been so darn long since you told us how you were all out of faith.

Vanilla Ice Ridiculous

09. “Now you’re amazed/ By the VIP posse/ Steppin’ so hard/ Like a German Nazi”
–Vanilla Ice’s ‘Play That Funky Music’

Dude took the original song’s “white boy” lyrics a little too literally. Good thing he specified German though, because those Austrian Nazis were way too light on their feet.

Shania Twain Goofy

08. “My panty line shows/ Got a run in my hose/ My hair went flat / Man, I hate that”
–Shania Twain’s ‘Honey, I’m Home’

Horribly trite stuff … but we do always enjoy the word “panty.”

saves the day sunglasses
07. “I don’t think that I’ve got the stomach/ To stomach calling you today”
–Saves the Day’s ‘See You’

And we’re betting that this clever emo fella doesn’t have the eyes to eye you, the hands to handle you … or even the mouth to mouth your name. Oh, the humanity!

michael-jackson 80s performance Bad
06. “Your butt is mine”
–Michael Jackson’s ‘Bad’

The worst opening line in pop history. However, we hear it’s huge in Dubai.

Paul McCartney live and let die lyrics

05. “But if this ever-changing world in which we live in …”
–Paul McCartney and Wings’ ‘Live and Let Die’
Dangerous combination: Sir Paul having so much money and prepositional phrases being so cheap. Any junior-high English teacher would take points off for everything after “world.”
Puff Daddy sean combs
04. “Young, black and famous/ With money hangin’ / Out the anus”
–Puff Daddy and Mase’s ‘Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down’
Sometimes the only things more crude than slang terms are their anatomically correct counterparts.
Madonna dork new york desperately seeking susan
03. “I don’t like cities/ But I like New York/ Other places/ Make me feel like a dork”
–Madonna’s ‘I Love New York’
So, so true. Which is of course why Paris is so famously known as the City of Dorks.

Boy George pink hat stupid
02. “War is stupid/ And people are stupid”
–Culture Club’s ‘War Song”

Boy George again, and this time he’s illin’ like Bob Dylan. We wrote a song just like this in seventh grade, but the next line was, “And your mom is stupid.”

sade 90s young smooth operator navigator
01. “Coast to coast / L.A. to Chicago”
–Sade’s ‘Smooth Operator’

Sade was born in Nigeria and grew up in London, but her biggest hit reveals that she’s clearly not a smooth navigator.

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