Jurassic World is about a theme park full of dinosaurs. Magic Mike XXL is about a male stripper convention. These two movies don’t have much in common, except that they’re both sequels, they’re both box office champs this summer, and they’re both completely ridiculous.
The Premise: After Jurassic Park resulted in too many deaths, Jurassic World opens to bring the prehistoric world to the paying public. But the public can be fickle, and the astronomically expensive Jurassic World needs new ways to make bank. The answer? Indominus Rex, a behemoth cocktail of unknown animal origins. The staff of Jurassic World bites off more than they can chew with Indominus; she escapes and wrecks havoc on Jurassic World.
Ridiculous: Blantant product placement. Starbucks, Pandora, Brookstone, and Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville all feature prominently in action scenes, but only Jurassic World stores get smashed up. Mercedes- Benz planned a whole rollout for their GLE Coupe around Jurassic World.
More Ridiculous: Where do I begin? Pterodactyls who seem uninterested in eating people until they’re REALLY interested, a CEO who can’t fly a helicopter flying a helicopter, so- called “scientists” waltzing into a maneating dinosaur’s cage, a half- baked subplot to make dinosaurs part of military intelligence, and the head scientist NEVER TELLING US WHAT’S IN THE DINOSAUR.
Also, several people die when Indominus escapes, but we’re only supposed to feel sad when she kills a field of long- necks.
Most Ridiculous: Two words: Dinosaur Whisperer. Chris Pratt plays a velociraptor handler whose bond with the beasts trumps instinct, the food chain, and basic logic.
Ridiculously Awesome: When Indominus finally goes down, it’s worth the price of admission.
The Verdict: Suspend A LOT of reality during your two hours at Jurassic World and you’ll experience a scary, thrilling ride.
Magic Mike XXL
The Premise: A sextet of male entertainers hits the road for a last hurrah in the form of a stripper convention in Myrtle Beach. Brotherly misadventures ensure.
Ridiculous: Amber Heard plays Zoe, a former female stripper, and she is a bummer. We meet Zoe on the beach and she seems cool, but gets immediately butt- hurt when Mike (Channing Tatum) turns her down. She pops up again at various stages and continues to bum out everyone around her. She also eats a whole red velvet cake.
More Ridiculous: Jada Pinkett-Smith plays Rome, an emcee and former strip club owner who has managed to elevate male entertaining into an erotic art I can’t even begin to understand. The scenes at her sultry Savannah lodge are tantalizing but also a little uncomfortable. Dallas (Matthew McConaughey) made a better ringleader.
Most Ridiculous: The guys unwittingly stumble upon Andie MacDowell and some horny housewifes having a wine party. Andie MacDowell’s dialogue is ridiculous. Also, Elizabeth Banks plays an announcer. At this point, Elizabeth Banks announcing things is as cliche as Morgan Freeman narrating things. So basically, the most ridiculous things about this movie are the women.
Ridiculously Awesome: Honestly, most of the movie is ridiculously awesome, but Joe Manganiello’s gas station routine takes the cake. His character dances to The Backstreet Boys’ “I Want It That Way” to cheer up a lonely lady clerk.
Honorable Mentions: For the grand finale, each character gets a chance to show his true colors in a personalized solo.
The Verdict: Magic Mike XXL revolves around making women smile, and smile you will, ear to ear, the whole time. Although Magic Mike XXL features less male nudity than Magic Mike, it has charm, heart, a plot, humor, and swagger. And more hot naked men.
The Most Ridiculous: Say “Indominus Rex” out loud. The winner is clearly Jurassic World.